There is no such thing as a perfect relationship or marriage. However, some people believe that there is, and they think that it can be achieved simply by finding the right person. That, of course, is a misconception that has lead to disappointment and, more importantly and worse, broken or dysfunctional unions and families.
Love, courtship, and marriage may be often taught in Christian churches in Dubai or anywhere else in the world, but it’s not so often that they tell you this: the right person, no matter how much you think that he or she is the right one for you, isn’t going to solve your love-related problems or make you a better lover. People don’t realize this, and that is why relationships and marriages fail.
A Past Scene
Before getting into a relationship and getting in front of the altar, you have to first get into the dating scene. And whether you’re looking for someone you want to commit to or just would like to go around and have fun with people, you should know that what you do in this part of your life can affect your future relationships and ultimately your marriage. Because even if you don’t want to commit for now, there may come a time when you already will.
In fact, according to Pastor Andy Stanley, he encounters a lot of couples who ask for his help, and he finds out that a lot of them do not actually have a marriage problem. Instead, what they have are problems from their single lives that they carried over to the marriage. This is because they thought that by marrying the “right person”, all the hang-ups they once had in the past are now over. And then there are those who think that by tying the knot with “The One”, they are going to find something as heavy and major as a marriage to be easy as pie, only to find out that they were wrong when it’s already too late.
More than Chemistry
The reason why these unfortunate fallouts happen is because a lot of people who are looking for a partner think that chemistry and passion will solve all of their problems. What they don’t know, however, is that they should be working on the relationship instead. So when things hit the fan, men think ithat sex, in an attempt to improve their chemistry, is going to fix everything, while the women assume that having a baby – which involves having sex, and is therefore wanted by men – will.
Both of them, however, are not solutions. In fact, bringing forth a child to this world will bring even more problems. And when all of these struggles hit critical mass, their chemistry, the couple’s passion for one another, gets damaged, making them think that they married the wrong person. This leads to divorces and second marriages, which have higher failure rate than first marriages, because they do the same mistakes they did during their previous one.
If chemistry is not enough, then what does it take to make relationships and marriages work? Love. However, it’s not the kind of fluffy, passionate love that is glamorized by movies and novels, but the one found in 1 Corinthians 13.
“Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, trusts, hopes, and perseveres.” -1 Corinthians 13: 4-7
This is what committed people must do: be patient and kind towards each other, not be envious of one another, refrain from trying to one-up the other, be respectful with one another, put your partner’s needs first, and not keep track of their wrongs. It’s not easy work, but it’s what makes relationships and marriages work.
The reason why couples call it “working it out” when they try to fix their problems is because it’s not easy, and because problems don’t get fixed by working around. They don’t get resolved by looking for another “Right One” either. So, if you want your commitment to succeed, be ready to work things out. Be ready to truly love.